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The most important relationship in your life is with yourself.

And I don’t mean make yourself the centre of the universe in a narcissistic self obsessed way. On the contrary, it means taking responsibility and building capacity to relate from an integrated space with others.

What is your relationship to yourself?

How do you treat yourself?

How do you talk to yourself?

Much of it might stem from your upbringing, survival strategies you developed. The voices of parents, friends, society, culture… all the praise, criticism, limitations, expectations we received. We learn to fit in, what’s good and what not. Shame, guilt and fear to keep us in line. Fuelled by the primal need to belong and be loved.

How do you actually want to be? Having agency and choice, not blaming or giving away responsibility. As a grown up sovereign human, not a victim of conditioning or the world.

Entering into a healthy relationship with myself requires so much acceptance and practice.

To make peace with all of me, the beautiful and the ugly.

Befriend the dark, hidden and difficult voices.

Welcome all emotions alike and truly feel them, no skipping or cherry picking.

Listen to what I genuinely need and desire.

Give to myself, allow myself to receive, ask for help and support where needed.

Set loving boundaries when something or someone is draining or hurtful.

Defer judgement and see opportunities for growth.

Forgive myself when making mistakes, hurting someone unintentionally or being a brat.

Meet myself with kindness and compassion, especially when not at my best.

… in thought, speech and action.

Cultivating this requires spending time with myself. And that is not my default. I easily get distracted and lost in others and being social. So my endeavour is to return to meditation, nature, solo time, and to stay connected to my body and breath. To learn what it means to really be in my centre.

May we all love ourself a little more!

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